dearest LS
i am back home now, in one smiling piece, and slightly different a person if you must know. yeah i switched job again and life is moving at a crazy pace for me now even though i looked like i'm still as unoccupied as ever to you. i'll come with you as far as here, i'm sorry. i don't like to make my plans known as they don't change a thing when they are, and probably because of negative views. not that i couldnt gracefully accept adverse criticism, if, they come from people worthy enough to make them. Close friends of mine, however, vaguely know what i am up to. i am just tired of explaining myself to people who view me as different and a non-conformist to social standards, to people who ask and ask when they don't bother to try to understand. why? ask yourself, do some thinking before you ask why, and not ask 'why' like you're expecting an answer you'd like to hear and not like you're astonished to know i differ and can be at times moderately obscure. you also ought to know you're one of the few who shone with peculiar clarity when it comes to talks like this. that is one of the reasons why you're here with me after more than 4 years.
thank you for your sms i thoroughly enjoyed my holidays. as usual, it feels like home there and i got quite a bit of things there like a didge, and a cd from hualampong riddim records. i gotta admit this is one of my best trips ever, not where we go, not what we eat, not what we buy, but who you are with is all that matters. we didn't really go anywhere fun but my three friends made me feel what it is like to be young again, how important friends are to me, and what it is like to be really happy although there were times my mind wasnt around and sort of like detached from everything cranky and all. that i am truly apologetic about. and, i screwed things up. i didnt try to make things go according to plan. i kept to myself and all that kind of nonsense. there were times when i was with them when it would occur to me that i really liked the company of friends a whole lot more than i liked being alone, i always thought being alone is the best thing ever, no baggage and stuff like that. i don't mean this in a loser sense, but it's something i felt very strongly. that's how good a friend they were, and how much fun it was doing everything together. i simply love them! it's not about the things that they'd done for me or anything like that, it's the feel, and i believe that's the way it should be. sometimes, i'd look at them and feel this yearning to tell them absolutely everything. the bad things, the good things, how tired i felt, things about the future, all the things i had put up with, how bad my socks smell, my pain - everything. i got particularly reserved on the road trip where they shared their gloomy past; never thought they'd went through such worse than me. i'm not sure why, but somehow the fact that the trip was about to end daunted me. perhaps it's the thought of heading back again to our separate mundane lives and our individual daily routines.
i want you to know that i love you too my dear friend. come back soon so we can all have fun like we used to. hope you get your blog up and running again soon.
